I had never thought I would ever write about anything on the negative side of my awakening process. But today while meditating, I felt guided to write about the negative side of my spiritual journey. For those who have read the introduction on my blog, they know that I had Kundalini awakening 3 years ago. Since three years I had been struggling to peel the layers of my ego and ascend into 5D matrix.
Just like there are two sides of a coin, there is yin and yang, my journey for the spiritual awakening has two sides as well. I want to confess that most part of my journey was painful and quite a struggle unlike others who had a successful ascension in the past 3 years. My Kundalini totally went wrong! The reason being I didn’t utilize it where it was supposed to be channelized. This is because I was supposed to surrender to the divine guidance after being awakened. But I didn’t! OR lets say I thought I did but it went completely otherwise! Mostly because it was due to lack of understanding and ignorance. I was happy that my soul got liberated from bad karma and all my chakras were unblocked by Kundalini activation. But I didn’t really know what to do with it. I had no clue about the power of this divine energy as in what wonders it could do if channelized properly. All I know is it healed me and I became super happy. My visions and downloads during awakening, were trying to guide me at each step but I interpreted them wrong. And so my entire ascension turned backwards. Instead of going up, it was like I am standing and running at the escalators that come down.
I had spontaneous Kundalini activation after I separated from my husband. My third eye opening message was to “go back to my husband, focus on his good qualities and forgive him for his mistakes and pay gratitude for all the good things he did for me.” As I was trying to process this spiritual message, I got a text from my astrologer whom I had seen before my awakening in order to seek help for my marriage. I believe she knew I was going to go through all this but she never told me. So I was unprepared for my awakening. Later when I had the awakening she texted me to check on me. I answered her phone and she asked me if I had learnt my lesson. I said yes I have. I have to go back to my husband and forgive him and pay gratitude. But she said “NOOOOO if you have changed don’t go back.” This was a karmic relationship, and your karma with your husband is over. If you go back you will never be able to break out of the karmic structure. She also said now I will find my soulmate, my spiritual partner. I believed her, thinking she is an astrologer and can see my future, so she knows better. This made me forget my own actual spiritual awakening message. Instead of going back to my husband, I started programming my mind to not to go back. And this guidance jeopardized my whole ascension. I misinterpreted all the visions and downloads I had during awakening. My spirit guides and angels were guiding me by sending me signals to go back to my husband and give him unconditional love. But I kept ignoring them. I was so blinded by the guidance from my astrologer that I completely gave up on the idea of going back. I also chose not to go back because there was no response from my husband’s side. I would constantly ask my self that “why are my spirit guides telling me to go back when my husband doesn’t want to be with me?” I never received an answer. So I decided to take consultation from other astrologers. I contacted about 10 different astrologers to make up my mind. 7 out of 10 said, this relationship is over, don’t go back. But there were 3 who said “you are making a mistake by not going back.” They also suggested that this is a transformative period for you and you are here to dissolve your ego and evolve. When you raise your vibration you attract the right kind of person in life. Guess what I listened to the majority astrologers who said don’t go back. And made the biggest mistake of my life! Because I missed the whole message of spiritual liberation that was imparted to me to guide me in the right direction. Instead of going back to my husband and starting all over again with him, I planned on taking divorce.
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